Literary Poison.

Maggie, thanks for coming to meet me on such short notice, the agency'll refund your train fares...

Is this about my book?

Yes... I read it over the weekend, this is my first big deal, if you see what I mean.

I do. what did you think?

It was great.

Really?

Mhm... I have a few questions though.

Go ahead.

The length... A lot of this I felt was... Padding...

Well... You have me there. JK started all of that - the next book having to be bigger than the last. So I did pad it out a little bit... What gave it away?

The 4th chapter. The "Trip".

Ah. The-

The trip to the corner shop. In excruciating detail. "Mr. Harrison had always been the boos at the Harrison family corner shop, where they sold Biscuits - digestives, chocolate digestives, hobnobs"-

Yes... I could trim it down... Add a zombie or two.

Yup.

What else?

The sex scene.

What about it?

Little graphic.

How?

"Jeremy unbuttoned Frances' blouse. Her nipples pressed hard against the cotton of her pure white bra. He wrestled with the material, tearing the structure from her body, revealing a double F dream.".

That's not bad.

I'm not finished... Skipping ahead... "...She flet his throbbing member, hot and sticky from the hour of passion, pushing against her cervix, like a medieval battering ram.".

That's not bad...

"...She flet his warm excrement drop like a nuclear bomb onto her chest."-

Okay... I can edit it... Is that all?

Well... The sex scene again...

What now?

KIDS BOOK. It's a fucking kids book!

And? Kids are finding out younger and younger these days.

You talk about the warmth of his shit on her chest for 3 pages!

I don't ever say shit. And the act is a "Cleveland Stearmer".

And the titty-fuck?

"Chilli dogging"

Good god...

...I have to take my meds, excuse me, Adrian.