Messages from myself to me in the future.

I've often written messages to myself in the future. I have no idea when I really started doing it, but I end up writing stuff for myself either so I don't forget something important, or to not lose anything.

In the past, I've said things like:

"Never forget Kingdom Hearts or Love Hina!"

That was in my yearbook, right at the back. I'd gotten heavily into both of those during my school years. Love Hina came along just at the time I was beginning to consider women as companions and lover rather than just something that has longer hair. I remember picking up the first volume in Ottakars, as it was then, during my work experience period at Thorntons. I bought it and tried to get my head around the printing, and panel layout.

It started my love affair with Manga.

"I want to learn what must be known!"

Schwarzwald. The black forest. Also the name for an antagonist in "The Big O". The man was an enigma, talking about wanting to seek knowledge and uncover secrets - the truth that must be known. That appealed to me on a deep and dark level. It could have been what made me such a deep thinker, or what made me look at people and see them for what they are - Greasy slabs of meat that somehow are sentient enough to consider their condition. That phase passed. I grew to like those slabs. Love some of them like brothers. And some as lovers.

I knew what the soul was. That's what was missing before. I could never consider the soul of the person to be important. I was all too logical, except when it came to acting and drama.

"Voyeuristic Intention"

A simple phrase from "The Time Warp". Everyone I knew at the time of writing liked the Time Warp, and Rocky Horror. Hell, I was considering dressing as Frankenfurter for a costume contest... Silly youth.

It's an odd set of words. The intention to look at people without them knowing. "He peeped in on her nude body with voyeuristic intention". It's a dark set of words, or even comedic at some times. It added to my love of the written word.

Why am I writing all of this?

I often think about what I'd say to myself if I could go back in time at any time. Just on a whim. Good prospect for a script, huh? I keep thinking about the premise, and all that occurs is:

"This guy can go back in time and advise his younger self on how to get happy, but he keeps making things worse."

Or words to that effect.

Would it really make things worse to see how your life turned out? I mean, you could see that the path you were on with anything leads anywhere... 

But then, what's the fun in knowing where you're going? It loses substance, becoming a predetermined event.

Or... You get cocky and complacent about it. Never really working because you know what'll happen, and everything will work out okay.

No.

Never going to happen.

Nothing is set in stone.

The future changes with each movement we make. A slip here could lead to fame and fortune, as well as pain and anguish.

So... What do you do?

Put in another way. Leave a massage to you in the future. Let them know how things were, for better or worse. How they used to be.

That's why I save conversations that mean anything to me. A lot of them now...

So I can see into the past without the haze of memory and age.

Sure, I still forget things. But I know a lot as well.

And this is what I know right now:

"I trust myself too little. I'm working on that for myself and other people. I don't want to be lonely all of my life."

If Future Me (FM) gets this, he'll get his ass into gear and get over himself.

"You have the love of many different people. I believe in what they say about me. No-one is out to get you."

"Luck is part Opportunity, part Preparation, and a whole lot of Confidence."

"You once said you wanted to be like some people - Bonnet, Kaufman, Billington, Smith, Kinniku. Are you like any of them yet?"

Always good to throw in a question like that. Keeps me on my toes, or it will do.

Lastly:

"Never give up on yourself. You get bored, then depressed, then paranoid that way. Go out and breathe in deep. Look at the people and know that no man is your enemy. You are your own master."

Covers the bases.

To the few readers that I may have, and some that I know:

"Everything I do is in the name of a higher power I keep within myself. It may change it's name occasionally - Temperance, Love, Compassion, Wisdom - But it's all me. Thank you for being with me along the way."

...Jeez. Me of 5 seconds ago sure was melodramatic. That looks like a suicide note!

Guess it's up to me of 5 second from now to make it better:

"Thank you. I love you all."

There. That sums it up nicely.